Entry for August 29, 2006

I put my babies in their beds every night, look at them and think : God must have loved me very much !

My babies are perfect, healthy and full of love. I can see that in their eyes, I can feel it when they hold my finger when I am feeding them....

Today I took the boys for a little shopping. It was raining and I was playing one of my favorite songs in the car and my boys were trying to sing .... My heart was full of happiness at that moment and then I felt sad because I thought I couldn't share that happiness with my family. I miss my mother and sister the most. That's why I call them often and let them hear my babies voice which they do love.  Sometimes I do feel sorry for my babies, because they are missing all the kindness and care that my mother and sister have for them. Thankfully my family in law is close to us, but still ....

Oh, I should stop complaining. I should remember what Michael and I have : two healthy and beautiful babies which are surrounded with all the love that we have for them. Not only us, our families and friends too, even if they don't see our babies but still I am sure the love is helping my babies to grow up strong and happy.

Entry for August 24, 2006

I remember last year, around this time I called my sister to tell her about my pregnancy.  I knew how much she wanted me to have a child, so I couldn't sleep until I told her. Oh, what an exciting day it was! Michael and I have talked about that day many many times, but we still enjoy to refresh the memory of our very special day

Tonight was the first night that our sons moved to their bedroom. They are four months now, but still it was odd to not have them in our bedroom when we were going to sleep. Michael and I listened to their breathing through the baby monitor for a while and it did help us going to sleep.

Relic was the first one who woke up and I heard him through the baby monitor. I fed him and changed his diaper but I guess he was too excited to go back to sleep and woke his brother up. So, I changed his diaper and fed him too. Now they are in their crib, moving around which they couldn't do much in their swings. So it is a good treat for them. They seem to enjoy sleeping in the crib and it helps me to feel comfortable. I got to go to bed, because I am going to have a very challenging day with my sons.

Good night my babies !   

Entry for August 11, 2006

Last week, in one of the very hot days when I had been packing to go to a mall just to stay cool, I heard something was dropped and then a scream ....

Relic was sleeping. I had changed and fed River and had him on our bed, assuming that he was too young for moving and falling from bed ! But I was wrong, River had rolled over and fallen from our bed  He was wearing just diaper and nothing else, and when I ran to our bedroom to see which one of boys had fallen, I saw his cute little body on the wood floor when he was crying loud. I held him and checked his little body to be sure if he was fine. He had hurt his forehead but stopped crying soon after I held him. I was shivering badly couldn't do anything but I called Michael to let him know about what happened and he suggested that I call River's doctor.

Everything seemed fine but River had a little black and blue bump on the right side of his forehead

When Relic woke up, I started changing his diaper when River was talking with Relic probably explaining what happened and when I started feeding Relic, I saw his little hand caressing his brother's forehead, exactly where the bump was.

I was very nervous, scared, sad and feeling really bad, but seeing the love that my little sons had for each other did make me smile.

A trip to Boston, July 25, 2006

It was really hard to pick one of the boys to take with me to Boston, when I was going to see my doctors there. But finally Relic was picked by chance.

He always liked train when I was pregnant and it was his first trip by train when he could see through window ( and he really enjoyed it ). Everyone in the train loved him and wanted to talk with him. I did feel good about it because I had thought that people like my boys just because they are twins, but I could see how they can be lovable individually.

Here is a picture of us coming back from Boston.

What if everything is just a dream? July 21, 2006

I had a weird dream  :

I was in my mother's home, living with her and a sister. Exactly like the old days, having nothing, no right ,  trying to let them have what ever they wanted, just to help them feel better .... Oh, my God ! I even don't want to think about it!

I was holding an outfit of Relic Rastak which says 'Mommy's Little Boy ' very tightly and crying because everything that I have right now was just a dream !

 

I do get tired sometimes, not having enough time to rest. But it doesn't mean that I am not happy. Nothing can make me happier than having my sons in my arms and feeding them, when their beautiful eyes are getting sleepy and I can have all of my wishes on their beautiful pink eyelids and see them smile.

If I am living a dream, I don't want to wake up, because this is the sweetest dream that I have ever had!  

July 13, 2006

I am getting tired more and more every day. The only thing that can help me to not give up is the love that I have for my babies.  They are getting more beautiful every day but the thing that keeps me to stay loving them is not their beauty. They have all of my heart by the look in their eyes ( which I still know their color ).

I go to sleep by hearing their swings moving, I run by their cry and I live by their smile. They are whole my life. I have never ever loved anybody like that. I feel they are the most beautiful things on the earth, and I feel very proud to be their mother, even if I am really exhausted.

July 04, 2006

 We had a great time with Michael's family in Kennebunk where Jay and Jeanne's beautiful house is located.

Here is a picture of not all of us there.