New Year's eve with friends, December 31, 2005

Doctor visit, December 27, 2005

We went to see my OB/GYN doctor on Tuesday. I have been worried about some little things ( I am a kind of person who always worries, so imagine how I feel when I am pregnant ). But my doctor said everything was okay with our boys and me and then I felt better.

She is a caring and knowledgeable doctor whom we chose to give birth to our children (" our child" when we met her for the first time ), 3 months before my pregnancy. I do trust her knowledge and hands to let her hold my babies for the first time as the first person, and I am really thankful having her as my doctor.

We also listened to our babies' heartbeat which made both of us really happy.  Of course, it was not the first time, but what can make the parents happier than listening to the children's healthy hearts, which I wish to be filled with love and care and respect. Michael recorded the babies' heartbeat in a file so we can share the file with the our families and friends to enjoy. Our babies were kicking all the time during the process and made us laugh.

My doctor wanted me to have another ultrasound to check some other things.  During the ultrasound, our boys surprised the doctor and the nurse by how active they were. In their age, they should rest %90 of time, but I think they rest even less than %10 of time, because all the time they are moving around and kicking me. My sister believes they took after me. I am almost always restless, even when I am pregnant. So, I think we will have so much fun together not letting my husband rest

Christmas day, December 25, 2005

We had a special dinner last night for Christmas eve. Today we had a big breakfast and then got ready to go to church. It would be the first Christmas day for us as parents, so we did need to go to pray. I believe that you can pray any where and any time, but I did need to go to church today.

I prayed for my children and family to live happily, and I also prayed for my mother and my sister to be able to come here and help me be happier mostly during my pregnancy.

We came home and took a picture of us with our little Christmas tree which my husband has had for years, from before we got married.

We called my mother-in-law to wish her a merry Christmas. It was also nice when my mother, sister, brother and nice called to wish our boys a very merry Christmas. I feel very confident that my boys will be loved by many good people. I can't say how it  makes  me happy

A song : I hope you dance, December 23, 2005

Yesterday we went to check our boys' hearts. Because of my diabetes and a few problems that I had in the first trimester of my pregnancy, my doctor had sugested  it to be done.

The  ultrasound took about 2 hours, because the boys were moving around all the time, not giving the poor technician a chance to check the hearts. She went to ask the doctor to come and help, and then, poor him.... He had to spend very long time to check the hearts. They were both laughing how our boys are active. But finally they told us that there is nothing wrong about our boys' little hearts that they can see

Today, we  watched River-dance for hours and River was excited as he always is when we watch River-dance. Then my husband suggested to play some music for the boys that he had thought they may like. He was right. They both loved many of the songs, but River LOVED one of the songs the most : I hope you dance.

It is a beautiful song that has reminded my husband of children, and now, it makes him think about our children. River got so excited to listen to the song that nothing could stop him dancing. It almost made me cry  to see how my little boy loves music.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

Yalda Night, December 21, 2005

We had a beautiful day. I talked with most of my family on the phone, to wish them a happy Yalda night. It is the longest night of year and as Iranian tradition we celebrate it with the love in our heart for each other to prove that no matter how long the night is, we have sunshine of love in our heart for each other which makes us warm. It is why most of Iranian families try to be together in this night.

My husband had a good day too. He was known as the best employee in his group so they gave him a nice gift. He also had gone to have a big lunch with his coworkers  ( his boss's treat ), so he enjoyed his day too.

I was making things ready for tonight most of my day, and  dreaming of my twin boys being with us in next Yalda night, making mess all around us, making me tired but very happy. My niece had some funny dreams about our twins which made me laugh for long, so I guess my boys did enjoy the day too.

I cooked Ghorme-Sabzi ( an Iranian stew ) and rice ( in Iranian style ). We also had some nuts which my kind brother had shipped to us all over from Iran. We had some fruit and the best part was pomegranate which we all enjoyed.

It is just one hour after dinner now. My husband is at his computer working to finish a task for work. My boys are moving around, still excited of the happy day that we had. And I need to go to measure my blood sugar.... Love to all of my family and friends, wishing the best days for them in coming winter

Knitting love & passion for my children, December 16, 2005

 I can't go walking any more, because it is really cold outside, also because of the danger of slipping on frozen snow all over the sidewalk, especially when I am pregnant. I spend all of my time at home relaxing and doing little stuff around the house.  Sometimes the bad thoughts start to come and that's the time that I need to chat with my husband on line, or if he is busy at work, I chat with a few friends on line. Mostly some friends from high-school and another friend Charlie. And if none of them are on line, I wait for my sister, mother and brother to call or I call them and ..... These are the things that help me feel relaxed and then I play some songs that remind me of all the old and good days. They may not be happy songs but they can still give me good feelings, and then I start to knit, putting my love into yarn and make little cute outfits for my little boys.

I learned to knit from when I was eight. My mother is a wonderful knitter and we have always been proud of her being an extremely talented and patient knitter. When I knit , I think about her more, remembering how calm she is when she knits , she never hurries to finish, like I do, but being 72,  knitting hurts her eyes.. That is why I know how much love she has for my children, because she knits for them. I don't knit badly, but still her knitting is so far away from mine,because she is wonderful.

I knit for my children and talk with them, about a few good memories that I have from my childhood. I have been trying to forget bad memories for years, because they take the passion from  my heart, and it is the last thing that I need during my pregnancy. I talk with my children about my father, when I was maybe four, sitting on his lap and trying to count his gray hair, which were not a few, for sure many more than all the numbers that I knew.  I was sad seeing him getting old, but he gave me a pleasant thought: He said that I did not need to count, because he knew he had as many dark hairs as  white. And then I felt happy: satisfied that my father was not very old.  Maybe it is the best memory that I have of him, and maybe it is why I talk about it with my children a lot. Thankfully they are not teenagers yet to stop me for telling the same story again and again. Of course,  I will stop anytime that they want. I just want to share with them all of my good memories. I think it helps the passion growing up in their hearts.

River song by John Denver, December 14, 2005

I enjoyed the song -River- with my boys, especially River who loves music. I think he loves John Denver's songs. Or maybe it is just what I imagine about him. But it is what I enjoy to dream of.

Relic is very emotional, he reacts to any emotional reaction of mine, such as sadness and happiness. He also loves -Azan- which I mostly listen to help me calm down.

Here is the River lyrics that we love :

River, there are no stars in the city
Here there is no telephone in the trees
Beautiful days all on the water
And all I can do is write you a letter
River, it's cold here in the morning
Later, I can see it in your eyes
Mild and white, we follow the canyons
Quiet at night, we stare at the sky
Leaving you now will never change things
Running away will just change the view
All I can see is the highway
All I can see is you.
River, you'll carry me thru the fire
Maybe you'll drown me in your arms
But if I die like that
It won't be like dying
When I rise again, the ashes are gone.
Leaving you now will never change me
Running away will just change the view
All I can see is the highway
All I can see is you.
Written by Renee Armand & Marty Gwinn, l980

Family Christmas Party, December 11, 2005

We had a beautiful family Christmas party at my brother-in-law's .  They are so nice to welcome all the family, every year for the family Christmas party and give us the most wonderful Christmas spirit.

 

They had a beautiful tree and all the presents around it were being organized by Meagan , their beautiful little girl. She is always our Santa to give us the presents, and she does it so nicely that no one has ever cared to remind her : please next one, or slow down.... She is my little doll and I enjoy to knit something for her, every year as her Christmas present.

 

We also saw my sister-in-law's daughter there, being pregnant. It was beautiful to see how they were all excited to dream of three little babies in next  Christmas party. I know we will not have much peace in next Christmas party because of the three babies, but it does not mean it will be less fun ....

Sadness in the evening December 09, 2005

Death is not the greatest loss in life... The greatest loss is what dies inside us...while we live.

 

I read this a few years ago in a friend's profile whom I unfortunately soon lost. But that sentence stayed in my mind and made me think about him many times through my sad days.

 

I have been trying to share just happy thoughts with my babies, because they don't need to know about sad things yet. But sometimes I feel guilty because it is really hard to think about something happy, even if I try hard to do that for my children. I want to say to my babies how sorry I feel to ruin their happy, snowy evening because of how I am feeling now. I want them to know it is never something that I want to do, but unfortunately all things are not under my control, so I can't give them all the good things that I wish. 

 

I am glad that my husband called and pulled me out of the deep sadness,. He is always like an angel to me. On the other hand I feel sad because I had shared my happy thoughts with a person who did not care .... I had just thought she would be happy to know about my children's happiness. I will always feel she has been among the greatest loss in my life.... 

 

I believe my babies will find out by themselves about all the dark side of life , but I don't want them to be scared. Because I still believe that there will always be a kind and caring hand tapping on their shoulders, even when they feel the loss of the great things, telling them, “Be strong, go on, I am here for you,”  and I am pretty sure it will be Love's hand. Thanks and love to my husband, love to my children and to whoever will have the supporting  hand for them!

Snowy day, December 09, 2005

 It's been snowing all morning. It is a quiet day and I am knitting for my boys, dreaming of all the cold days (which are a lot, in New England) when they will be warm in the knitted clothes.

 

 My mother and my niece called. My mother is knitting for my boys too. It was nice talking with them. I feel I was missing my niece's voice a lot, so were my boys.  It was more than one week since we had talked. She is 9 years younger than I, but I have always felt that she is like a daughter to me. We were making jokes about my boys being her brothers.  Never mind how many children I may have, she and her sister will be always like daughters to me, because I have seen them growing up and I have always felt their love. All the happiness and success that they have had (and they are very happy, successful girls) has been my happiness. Of course there are things about them that I don't like (and I know there will be things about my boys that I will not like), but it does not mean that I love them less, because we can always talk and discuss the problems between us. Their mother has started to knit for my boys too. We were talking on the phone yesterday and she was telling how she is excited about that. It is funny that these little boys have made my mother, my sister and me to work for them, and they are paying back with the beautiful love that we have for them.

 

I have been feeling the movement of my boys more. Relic has very strong kicks but he does not kick often. He is a very sensitive boy and shows reaction to all of my feelings. River moves more and he gets excited when I drink some juice after low blood sugar. Last night when I woke up to check my blood sugar at 3:00AM my blood sugar was a little low so I had to drink some juice. Going back to bed, River was kicking for about 15 minutes. And I was thinking how I am going to miss this kicking after my boys are born. It is a very especial and beautiful feeling to be pregnant and I am enjoying every moment of it :)

Our boys can hear, December 04, 2005

Today when I was chopping some carrot with a food processor, I felt the movement of my boys. Then I stopped and the boys stopped moving. Again I started the food processor and boys started moving. Oh, my God! Maybe they can hear. Normally, fetuses start hearing in their 20th week or after, but it happens earlier with twins, but I would like to think that my boys are more sensitive than normal.

My husband got excited when I told him the story. After I finished cooking and went to sit with him, he asked if he could start reading for our boys. We had bought some of his childhood favorite books : Mother Goose and .... And also a speaker for our babies so we would talk with them when they are able to hear. It was the best time to start using those.  My husband started reading for them. I am sure I was the first person who enjoyed how my babies' father was kind and caring to  to do that for his very young boys.... Relic Rastak , on my right side started moving first. I guess he was very excited to hear his father's kind voice. And then, when my husband was reading another rhyme named - Three Blind Mice-  River Rasa, on my left side started moving and then Relic Rastak joined him. It was a wonderful moment for me, feeling how my boys and their father were enjoying together.

It has been snowing whole day. I love how beautiful everything is around me today. I can not thank God enough for all I have.

Our twin boys, December 01, 2005

I  am pregnant with two boys. In whole my life I was dreaming of having only one boy. I wanted him to be kind and sensitive, respectful and can appreciate things that people do for him. Now, I am going to have two boys...It is totally a surprise for us!

 I am the youngest of 9 children in my family and my youngest sibling is almost 7 years older than I. My husband is the youngest of 6 children and his youngest sibling is 6 years older than him. So, none of us had a childhood playing with a sibling, and now, we are going to give that to our children. Thinking about how beautiful my children's relationship can be with each other, gives me goose-bumps. My husband and I are trying our best to give them all the good memories that we have had in our lives and also giving them what ever we had needed and couldn't have.

I have been diagnosed with type I diabetes for more than ten years. It has been more complicated during my pregnancy but today I got my most recent Hba1c test result. It was wonderful. I owe that to my very caring doctor, who is concerned about my health very much. I send her email everyday, explaining how my blood sugar level was during last day, through 10 times blood monitor measurement, and also let her know what I ate the day before, and she is so caring to go through all the detail and help me get the best amount of Insulin to be fine for my children. I also bought a Glucowatch, but having very sensitive skin, makes it difficult for me to use it everyday. But as my sister said, at least we know that we have done all we could do to help our children having a healthier life.

My children will be my mother's 19th and 20th grandchildren, but it does not mean that my mother is less excited than any good grandmother could be. My sister who always supports me in any kind of problem that I have  in my life is very excited too, so are her daughters and husband. My other siblings are happy too, so is my husband's family.  I guess my twin boys have begun to make all the people that we love and care about happy and it is the most beautiful beginning for a very healthy pregnancy. Isn't it ?