We are planning a big birthday party for Relic and River. They are going to turn 2 next week. Almost 30 of their friends with their parents are coming to the party so we are going to have almost 70 guests. Yes, I know. For being two , 30 friends is too much, but Relic and River are really popular and have a lot of friends.
It is really exciting to plan the party. I hope it is going to be a joyful party for everyone 
Today is Michael's last day of work in TechTarget. We both have been confused about how we feel about him leaving this job and going to work in another place. Thankfully Michael is leaving TechTarget for a better opportunity, but still it is kind of sad. I do remember the day that he got a phone call about him going to start the job there. I remember how we were excited about it. That night, we had a little celebration making a big dinner. We didn't have the boys then so we did have time to eat like people 
Michael has worked almost three years for TechTarget and has had very special days there. He had a very caring boss which was good enough to understand how Michael cared about his job and if he had problems taking care of his pregnant wife and after that his sons, sometimes.
Michael is very smart and loves his job as a computer engineer and always looks for a more challenging situation so I know he might want to leave the jobs but as I told him last night, we will always remember the days that he worked in TechTarget because those days were the very special days of our life together
Sometimes I feel like I am living in my own world, not caring what is out there and after that I feel guilty. You know ? At a time, I couldn't enjoy anything for myself just because I thought it was silly to enjoy little things, it would be selfish to be happy if there was anybody sad out there. Now I think I was sick at that time and I know it wasn't my fault to feel like that. I had been raised during war and had seen people die and of course the theme of country was the angel of death ! Yes, I remember that wearing gray socks was forbidden at school because gray was kind of white and white could attract men 
So, we had to wear just navy, dark brown and black ! And that's another reason for me to hate dark colors now ... Anyway, we were forced to not think of anything happy or exciting. At that time, I thought to never have a child, because I thought it wouldn't be fair to have a child if there was a child out there who didn't have anybody as family.....
But now, I think if I can't do anything to change the world, why do I have to ruin my own world ? I enjoy my sons' happiness. I laugh with them when they laugh and feel like the luckiest woman in the world when I go for a little walk with my husband holding our sons' little hands. This is my world now, simple but beautiful and I am not going to exchange it with anything else.
It's been so long after that last time that I had a little time to write. Not because I haven't had anything exciting and special in my life to write about but because I have been busier than other days.
We had a wonderful trip to Texas, visiting my sister and her husband. We all had a great time there, but River and Relic enjoyed it the most. My sister, Badri loves children and her husband is a very patient and kind man. River and Relic had a lot of fun playing with their aunt and listening to their uncle ready books to them.
We started our new Iranian year with my sister and her husband in Humble, TX. Last year we started our new Iranian year at my mother's with her and my other sister's familyin Tehran, Iran. I do feel lucky that my children are loved very much and are always surrounded by love and care. There is nothing better than this for a mother to feel. I know that my children appreciate the love and care that they feel and it makes me feel really good, because I don't want them to think that they are loved just because they deserve it. I want them to care , respect and appreciate what ever they get. I am their mother and seeing them happy makes me happy, so I don't need them to be thankful for what I do for them . But I think when you learn to be thankful you will enjoy and see what you are given better.
A friend of mine sent me this story which really touched me and I thought to share it :
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."
"We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations." But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an impoortantbusiness meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home,
just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a cchil. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish
her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish his or hers.
I want her to know that a Cecaesareanarhiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would not now find very romantic.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice, and drunk driving.
I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.
I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my
eyes.
"You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
Before being a mother, I always thought that parents should be all happy to see their children growing up, but ....
In the last two weeks, my boys moved out of their cribs and also no bottles any more for them. Of course, these were our decisions but still, we thought they were ready for moving to the next steps, because they are not babies any more.
Today I wanted to take my boys to children museum of Salem. I couldn't find a parking spot close enough to the museum and had to walk a little. I thought to not take the stroller and let my boys walk with me. I was holding their little hands which were warmer than mine and walked all the way from where i parked my car to the museum. When I was crossing street with them I was thinking Oh, my God ! these are my little boys walking with me, passing all the ice and puddles with me
Yes, I can never hold my sons like how I used to when they were little babies, but it doesn't mean that I am not going to enjoy every stage that they are growing into
