Entry for September 29, 2006

Last night I was thinking what if I die ? It is the time that I want to be alive more than any other time, not because of myself but because I think my babies do need me. I know how Michael loves our babies, I know my brother in law and his wife who are my babies' god parents love them and I do know that my sister and her husband adore my babies, but I can not trust any of them to raise my babies and give them as much as love that I have for them.

I was crying and asking God to take care of my innocent babies. I did have a very difficult pregnancy and I hope my God who helped my babies stay healthy through all the problems that I had, will help my babies to be raised in the arms of love....

Happy Boys! September 25, 2006

Holding hands, September 25, 2006

Yesterday we went to walk in Salem willows. It is getting cold and we wanted to take advantage of the last warm days.

We put River first in the stroller and then we were putting Relic there, River had turned to look into his brother's eyes. I think he was missing him all the way in the car, when they had to sit in their car seats,  not very close to each other. When Relic was buckled up, River held his hand

It was just beautiful seeing them holding hands in the stroller. It did my heart warm seeing that they love each other. That's what I always want....

I was not good to take the picture not letting them see me, because they can't feel comfortable in front of camera and act normally, that's why they are not really holding hands in the picture. But they were doing it all the way when we were walking  

Entry for September 20, 2006

Last year on the day of September 20, we found out about having twins  ( And God knows how shocked I was ).

Today, it was a beautiful sunny day. My friend Laural and me took the boys to a park and let them experience the first real swing in their life. They sat there back to back and smiled all the time. Unfortunately, my camera's batteries were dead so I couldn't take pictures. But for sure the happiness in their faces will be one of the best images that I will never forget.

Thanks to Laural for having the idea and helping my children to have fun today.

A trip to Boston, September 19, 2006

It was River's turn to go with Mommy to Boston

I had doctor appointments, and had wanted to take two of the boys, but because I was not feeling good yesterday I thought to take just one of them which would have to be River, because I wanted him to experience train.

River was sitting nicely on my lap at first, looking through window. But then, maybe he didn't find it very exciting, so started to entertain himself by doing his 'thing'. The thing is making a funny noise with his lips when he blows drool. he looks really cute when he does it, but makes everything wet. Everybody found him cute doing that.

He was really heavy in the carrier and I had a big backpack full of stuff for him. We met an Iranian friend whom I had found on Orkut. She is pregnant with a boy. It was really exciting to see her, and River really loved her. I am not sure if it was because she was speaking Farsi or because River could feel her boy! We had lunch together and enjoyed the time.

Coming back home, River was really tired and went to sleep all the way in the train. Here is a picture of us, coming back, which Michael took in train station, when he had come to get us.

Michael's birthday, September 16, 2006

We had a good time today. Michael got many phone calls and emails, wishing him a happy birthday.

We all watched Riverdance together and rememberd the nice time that we had last year, when we went to see Riverdance' show for Michael's birthday

The men of my life, September 15, 2006

Mothers of multiples meeting, September 13, 2006

We didn't have the meetings for a few months and I was missing all the fun that we have there.

When I was driving to the church in Danvers where our meetings are,  I was missing my babies in the car. It was long time that I hadn't gone out without any of them, but thankfully I was sure that their father was taking care of them and after me, Michael is the only person that I trust the most to take care of my babies.

I did have a wonderful time there without feeling guilty, because we were all talking about our children. We always love to hear about each other's funny stories

There were some new mothers with babies younger than mine : 4 and 3 months, 11 and even 5 weeks old !

I can't believe how time goes fast ! My babies are almost 5 months now !

Coming back home, it was almost 10 PM. Michael came to the door, holding two of our sons, when they smiled seeing me. I think they had been missing their mommy.  

Who needs more ? September 10, 2006

I need to be honest with myself.... Yes, I spend most of my time with my babies or for them, but it is not because they need me, because I think I am the one who needs them more.

I do feel that they thank me after I feed or change them with the look in their beautiful eyes, or the joy in their laughter when I am playing with them, but these are not the reason that I do things for them. I even don't do things for them because I want to be a good mother but just because I need them.  I do remember after giving birth, when I was all in pain, I was thinking as long as I have my babies in my arms, I don't care if fire catch the rest of world ! I know, it is really selfish, but my babies are all my world. I haven't missed my family just after we found out that I was pregnant, last summer! If I call my family, it is just because I want to share my happiness with them, because I know how they enjoy to hear about my babies, and it is how I enjoy more to have my babies.

Michael and I, both know that our babies are not very different from other babies, but we like to think that they are the cutest and smartest babies in the world! Maybe that's how every parent is, but we don't care !

Entry for September 07, 2006

Last night River slept through the night! It was really surprising because he doesn't sleep long often. So I did get a good night of sleep. ( Of course I had to wake up once to feed Relic, but still not as many times as I often do ) And today River took almost a 2 hours nap!

I did have a good day, not doing much. Just doing the regular stuff :  laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, usual cleaning,  singing , playing and dancing with the boys... But when I was feeling a little tired and wished to sit and relax a little bit, River started crying! He didn't want to stop even when I was changing his clothes to take him out for walking. Of course my little baby couldn't know what I had wanted to do but silly me, expected him to know! So I yelled at him ENOUGH! ENOUGH!

When I was putting my boys in the stroller I was feeling really bad because how I had acted impatiently, but thought I would have time to make it up with my little baby. On the way, River was all quiet. When I stopped to fix his little socks, I looked at him and gave him a kiss, so did with Relic. Relic looked into my eyes and smiled, but River even didn't want to look at me. I tried to caress his cute silky hair and talk with him, but still ....

Coming back home River went to sleep. I held him tightly and kissed him before leaving him in the swing, hoping him to forgive his bad mother....

I always pray to be enough patient with my babies. I don't want to spoil them but I want if I yell at them, just to be for my babies' goodness and not because it makes me feel better....

Entry for September 03, 2006

My babies were crying. They were hungry and I was trying to be fast, making bottles for them. Then suddenly they stopped crying , I went to the bedroom and I saw they were hugging each other ! The little arms around the brothr!

It reminded me of what I had heard months ago in mothers of multiples' meetings :  It is really hard to raise twins but when you see them loving each other, even when they are little babies, you will find all the trouble worth it