Merry Christmas ! December 25, 2007

Yalda Night 1386, December 2007

After bring in Holiday Party of Michael's office, it took long to come back home because of all the traffic which was caused by Christmas shoppers and snow. So we couldn't be home early enough to cook for Yalda Night. Michael had suggested to defrost some Iranian stew for dinner and it was the only thing that I could do having such a short time to get ready.

We had bought watermelon and pomegranate and I made some popcorn ( Thanks to my sister Behjat Jan for suggesting that). So everything came out pretty well and we could celebrate Yalda Night as a family together

Entry for December 17, 2007

Today I was taking a nap! ( Yes, I know ! Not often I get that ! ) Then I heard Relic winning around me. I decided to pretend being asleep. And it made Relic wanting to leave me. Then it was quiet and you know how it can not be good sometimes So I went to see what was going on and found Relic in his brother's bed lying down close to him

It almost made me cry ( in a good way ).... My heart feels warm, thinking about the day that IIam not with them but they will have each other

Tonight when I was kissing my sons good night, I was thinking how I will miss these kisses when I die ... Oh no, I don't want to die soon. I want to live for long, watching my boys growing up

Winter is almost here ! December 15, 2007

My boys and their classes, November 28, 2007

Relic and River have been going to the classes of Early Intervention, not because they need that but because I am trying to fill their schedule and let them learn as much as they can. At first I was happy to take the boys there because the classes were free there but now, the best thing that I like about those classes is the teacher that the boys have. Sarah is a very strict but kind and caring woman. Nothing that the kids do in the class can be hidden from her. She sees every little bad or good thing that the kids do.

It is really important to Relic and River how their teacher thinks about them so they do try to not be bad.

Yesterday , in the circle time of the class, Relic wished to sit on his teacher's lap and Sarah was enough kind to let him. He was looking at his classmates with a grin on his face : he did like that view of the class

When Relic went to sit on the teacher's lap, River decided to sit on his brother's seat and after that one of their classmates moved to River's seat. After awhile when the teacher wanted to get something from the shelves , Relic decided to go back to his seat and saw that River had taken it. He was not patient enough to let his brother keeps sitting there. He pulled River from the seat and sat on his seat. River didn't fight ( he usually does not ) , stood up and looked at his seat which had been taken by another boy. River didn't want to pull the boy out of the seat ( he is too kind to do that ) . He looked to find an empty seat and found one in the far corner of class and went to sit there. He looked adorable when he was going to sit there. I loved how independent and kind he was. He was going to sit some where which would not be close to me or his brother, but he didn't care

After their snack time Relic went to sit on the teacher's seat, had a box that the teacher uses to take some different things from to sing and teach, on his little lap and started to offer some cards to his classmates to chose from them ( That's what their teacher does to know which song should be song ) I didn't know what he was doing but Sarah, the teacher saw and knew that Relic was trying to do the circle time just like a teacher

As much as I am happy with how Relic and River are doing in the early intervention classes , I am disappointed about how they are in the art class. Until today I was blaming them ( mostly my little River ) about that, but today I noticed that it is not really their fault. The teacher doesn't take her job very seriously and wants to chat with parents all the time. I am thinking to not take the boys there any more, maybe it is not worth it to wake the boys up, dress them and take them in such a cold days when they are not getting anything there, but we have paid for the classes and also maybe it is good for them to know that not every teacher is good

شعر ناگفته – قیصر امین پور

شعر ناگفته

!نه

کاری به کار عشق ندارم

من هیچ چیز و هیچ کسی را

دیگر

در این زمانه دوست ندارم

انگار

این روزگار چشم ندارد من و تو را

یک روز

خوشحال و بی ملال ببیند

زیرا

هر چیز و هر کسی را

که دوست تر بداری

حتی اگر که یک نخ سیگار

...یا زهرمار باشد

از تو دریغ می کند

پس من با همه وجودم

خودم را زدم به مردن

تا روزگار ، دیگر

کاری به کار من نداشته باشد

این شعر تازه را هم

...ناگفته می گذارم

...تا روزگار بو نبرد

گفتم که

!کاری به کار عشق ندارم

Entry for November 18, 2007

When I find a little time by myself, I go back to the old days when I could go to see my deceased friend Gheysar Aminpur when ever I wished. I could talk with him about what ever I wanted and he was always there to listen. There was never that I could think he was not listening carefully to me. I bet he was the same for all other friends that he had. He did help me to go through a lot of emotional problems that I had at that time. The last problem that I had and needed to talk with him about was about my babies when I was pregnant.... I never got time to tell him how thankful I was to have him ....

Thinking about not having him any more makes me want to scream. But I have to be strong.... I am a mother now so I have to be strong ....

Entry for November 07, 2007

The last days of October didn't go well...

One night after I went to help the boys go back to sleep I came to check email and found out that my dear friend Charlie had lost his beloved wife, Fay . I went back to bed crying and told Michael about it. It was really hard to imagine how Charlie was feeling.

The last night of October when I was waiting for my sister and her husband to come to our home for the first time and I was very happy and excited about it, I got an email from a friend who lives in Canada, telling me about my very dear friend, the greatest poet I have ever met, the best human being , Gheysar Aminpour passing away in a hospital in Tehran ....

Twin Halloween Party, October 27, 2007

Entry for October 25, 2007

Yesterday, the boys had their second Art class. The night before, Relic was coughing a lot and couldn't sleep well, so didn't I. That's why we woke up late and had to run to get ready and go to the class. I was trying to feed the boys their breakfast on every red light. River was good and ate some but Relic just wanted to drink milk.

In the class, Relic was sitting close to their teacher and was listening carefully, but River wanted to play. With the help of their teacher Relic did finish their projects which were an apple tree and a big apple, but River wanted to run away with his paintbrush. He did paint his pants and mine pretty well

I am not sure if River just had bad moments and didn't want to be with his class or if he doesn't like the class. I just don't know what to do. If I had just River, I would leave the class and let River go to play but Relic really likes the class and we have to let him enjoy. River really likes Gymboree classes, so it is not like he doesn't enjoy any of the classes, but still it is hard for me to see that River has to stay in a class that he is not enjoying much.

Enjoying the Fall Season, October 21, 2007

My Little Artists, October 17, 2007

Today River and Relic had their art class trial and did really well. Of course they had their crazy moments, running around the class ( River even ran away 2-3 times and I had to run out to get him ), and moving the little chairs around the class, but they did sit quiet awhile to do their projects ! I am not going to lie to tell that did they did all the work. I helped them a lot, but they did try to work with play dough, glue and paintbrush for the first time and did really well.

So, something new to add to their busy schedule : Art class every Wednesday morning

A Colorful Day in Danvers Park, Entry for October 10, 2007

I had thought on the way to Gymboree, taking the boys to Danvers park and let them enjoy feeding the ducks in the pond.

The park looked really beautiful and I think the boys enjoyed all the colors. Feeding the ducks was so much fun and we all loved it. Thinking that when it gets cold I won't be able to take the boys out made me stay in the park and let the boys play there and not going to Gymboree.

The boys got all dirty and wet playing with colorful but wet leaves and chasing the squirrels. Coming home, they were so tired that went to sleep in the car and I thought to let them sleep there, so I took my lunch into the car and stayed there for more than one hour until they woke up.

In the afternoon I took the boys to our neighbor's house to let them play with Elisa and Lena two sweet little girls who really love to play with River and Relic.

I had my NSMOM meeting tonight and when I was going there, I was happy that I got to spend a lot of time with River and Relic today, help them enjoy the day. The whole time for me not being with the boys was less than 3 hours but driving home I was missing them and wished to hold and smell them before they go to bed.

My Missing Father, October 08, 2007

Nine or ten years ago ( I don't want to think hard ), a day like this, my father died in a hospital not having any of his 13 children around. But many many years before that, he was gone from my life. He got busy with his new life, new wife and new children. I don't have many memories of him. I barely can remember his smile and that's why this picture of him really surprised me (Thanks to my brother Behzad for sharing this picture). If I close my eyes and try to remember him for one moment, for sure I will not imagine him smiling. There are a lot of things about me that my siblings believe are like him and maybe one is being hard to smile ( Oh yes, a few years ago, one of my nephews mentioned that he used to be afraid of me when he was very young because I was always angry at him ) but I am trying very hard to not be like my father in many many ways. Of course he was a great teacher, a very honest and frank man and many other good things which I will try to follow, but .... Oh, never mind !

My children are my life now. I enjoy seeing their father playing with them and reading to them. I enjoy when Michael gets excited to see how cute they are and comes to hug me. I enjoy telling stories of my day with the boys to Michael and see how his eyes sparkle being proud of his sons. Seeing my sons having a caring and loving father is helping me forget about a big gap in my life : My always missing father ....

October The Candy Month, October 07, 2007

Living in Salem-MA, October is my favorite month. I love how the streets look alive with all the Halloween decorations and the tourist, coming to see The Witch City.

October 4th, we had a very exciting parade in Salem. River and Relic had dressed up as monkeys ( They are always busy doing monkey business ) and got a lot of candies that day. Relic was scared at first but then he started to love the crowd being dressed up in strange outfits and giving them candies. He was standing up close to me, waving for people in the parade, taking candies which he was being offered and put them back in their wagon River did have pretty good time in his daddy's arms. I think he wanted to be there to see everything better.

October 5th, we had mayor's night out and went for trick or treating to the stores around the mall. The boys did get a lot of candies and were excited to pick the candies from the bowls. They walked for almost one hour and were really hungry when we came back home. We did let them eat one lollipop each one, when we were walking home and they really liked it

There are still some more Halloween parties that we are looking forward to join

Going to Danvers Park & Library, October 01, 2007

It is hard to remember how life was like when we didn't have children !

Danvers park one of our favorite places to go. We both enjoyed the big trees, beautiful lake and cozy gazebo there and went to have lunch there many times.

Now, when I take the boys there, the first thing that we enjoy is feeding the ducks in the lake.

I took the boys to Danvers library after they burnt a lot of energy in the park. It was really amazing how they have been changed during the last few months. I do remember the first time that I took them to the library and they were running around, pulling the books from their shelves ! But today, most of the time they were sitting at little tables there and drawing. They both love to clean up and were being careful to not make a mess with all the crayons there. I was feeling really proud to be their mother, seeing how they were behaving

Oh, yes ! My boys are growing up really fast

Here is a picture of River and Relic hugging each other in the park

Our Busy Days, September 18, 2007

I know, it's been a while that I haven't had time to sit and write, however I have had many subjects to write about.

There was a beautiful family party at Jay and Jeanne's place ( surprising ? ) which I could meet Michael's brother Phil and his family for the first time. They live in Florida and don't come up very often. They were very warm and nice family and we enjoyed having them with us in the family party.

Michael had done something wrong which been insulting to his brother Jay. He was enough patient to not mention it for some days and then he sent Michael and email and told how he had felt. Michael was very sad, feeling bad about how he had hurt his dear brother. I know that Michael never wanted to hurt him but if Jay had been hurt by him, it was good to know, so Michael would know and would be more careful. I did like how Jay explained how he had felt. This way he didn't have to bury a bad feeling in his heart. I thought that's something that I should learn. It is not very usual in my family to explain our feelings easily, and I think it can hurt our relationship after awhile.

Michael and the boys had some pictures taken in Sears for Michael's birthday and I really liked some of them.

Today in Salem Common, River was trying to clean up the park. It was really cute seeing him going around , picking little piece of trash and little apples which were fallen from the trees and put in trash cans in the park. I thought if everyone felt responsible as much as him, the world be much cleaner than what it is.

Tonight the boys were playing with their drum sticks and one of them hurt the other one. It is really sad to see when they hurt each other because I know they really love each other. I asked them to kiss each other and then they did go to kiss each other Seeing them, kissing each other was one of the most beautiful moments of my motherhood.

A Beautiful Family Party, September 9, 2007

Sand Fun, August 31, 2007

One of My Good Moments, The Boys Telling Me A Story ! August 29, 2007

It was a very busy day for me. In the morning I took the boys to their Gymboree class and then after we came home Relic went to sleep but River did not. It is the worst thing for me to have one of them up, when I have tons of things to do and need them to give me some time. River was making a lot of noise which woke Relic up. After lunch they played a little and then River was tired and wanted to take a nap, but Relic didn't.... Then for the same reason River woke up and both wanted me to play with them .... I thought giving them a bath would be good for them. Oh my God, it is really hard to give to VERY active toddlers a bath when you are alone and nobody is there to help. But I survived .... Then they wanted something more and that's when I thought to take them to Salem Common. It was not a good idea because they both have been very interested in basketball and the basketball court which is in Salem common was full of big boys playing. But River and Relic didn't mind. They wanted to go to play with the big boys, and it was really hard for me to stop both of them running into the court. That's why I thought to take them back home. On the way back home, I thought to let them have a little fun with the beautiful garden around Derby House and that's where they got wild to see the apple trees and started picking the apples and biting them ....

I did have a very hard day and yelled at the boys many times. I do feel bad about it, because I know I wasn't enough patient with my sons. And now, when River and Relic are sleeping, the only thing that I can think about is all the beautiful moments that I had with them today which includes :

I don't know for how long but I went to our bedroom to floss my teeth after lunch. I could hear the boys making noises and scream and when I left the bedroom they both ran toward me and River started to rub his head and pretending to cry. I asked what was wrong and he ran to his brother pull a drum stick from his brother's hand and hit his head looking at his brother. And I knew that he meant Relic had hit his head with the drum stick. I looked at Relic and was going to get upset when Relic took the drum stick back ran to the metal trash can and started banging on that, looking at me like ' I didn't mean to hurt him I was just banging on the trash can' ....

I was really impressed with how they were trying to tell me their side of story. I just hugged both of them and kissed them.

A Family Night Out, August 25, 2007

What If My Children ...., August 25, 2007

Yesterday which was a hot day, I decided to take the boys to Chunk E. Cheese's to let them have a little fun in a place which they had never been to. It could be a good place for all of us to enjoy if I had somebody else with me to keep an eye on one of the boys, but Michael had to work from work and couldn't be with us.

When we were there, the boys were running around enjoying the games but it was really hard for me to see both of them in different areas at the same time and I had all the bad imaginations of the show Law & Order in my mind, thinking about my boys getting kidnapped or being abused. I got so scared that couldn't stay there longer and I decided to take the boys and leave however they didn't want it and were crying when I was buckling them in their stroller. When I was buckling Relic in his car seat River escaped from stroller and ran away. I left Relic alone in the car not being strapped and went to catch River. When we went back to the car, Relic had moved to the trunk for back seats and ere playing with the balls that they had there. River saw him and didn't let me buckle him. He wanted to go to have fun in the trunk with his brother. I was feeling weak and weak every second and it was hot in the car. I just closed the door and sat in the back seat crying and counting my boys 1,2 to be sure if they both were with me. My blood sugar was dropping low but at that time I didn't know that. I just felt that there was ssometing wrong and my boys were in danger. I tried to take the cell phone outyof my bag to call Michael and ask for help, but River who had seen me crying was feeling bad took the phone away and wanted me to hold him . By that time Relic had moved to front seat starting to horn and that's how people paid attention to us in the car. I remember two men opened the door and asked if I was okay. They called 911 and after a few minutes I was in the ambulance and my boys in fire truck or police car holding the bears that policemen gave to them. I knew that my boys were in a safe place but was worried. I needed to see them and that's when the policemen brought my babies to see me. Their hair was all wet from sweating, their faces all red because of heat and they were worried if I wasn't fine .... Michael came after a few minutes and had the boys in his arms, where I felt could be the safest place in the world for them....

We all did have a very tough day. The boys felt good after seeing me being okay. Michael was fine when he saw that he took care of everything, but going to bed I was thinking if my boys would ever trust me taking care of them ....

The Boys Are 16 Months Today!, August 21, 2007

I look are River and Relic, and I can't believe these adorable boys are mine! There are a lot of things about them which looks a little strange for me. They are not shy at all, and actually have very good self confidence. I love it but I can't believe how my sons can be like that. Michael believes that our trip to Iran where they were the head of every party has helped them to be like this.

Today I took them to Dix Park in Beverly Farm which had a nice playground, so they could play with some other children. They could climb so fast that nobody could catch them. Every slide is just a piece of cake for them. There were many children there, mostly older than my sons but River and Relic were the ones who didn't need me hold their hands or watch them. They are just like big boys and I am really proud of them. But a little scared too. They have fallen many times but they almost never want to cry because of pain. They are really strong, but kind and caring too. I love the way that they come to hug us and give us kisses.....

The boys are 16 months today and thankfully everything has gone really well with them. They are growing up fast and learning fast too. I wish them to stay so loving and strong forever

Busy Boys! August 15, 2007

River and Relic finished their kindermusik class today. I am not sure if we want to sign them in for fall or no. I need to think about the free time that we are going to have and also compare the class to others. Wow ! It is not easy ! I wonder how hard it is going to be to help them decide which college is good for them to go. But until that day ....

Here is a picture that I took yesterday, when they just woke up after their afternoon nap, starting to do all the things to make me crazy. Michael sent me message from work telling how he was missing the boys and I sent him this picture to let him know how busy his sons were

A Good Day, August 13, 2007

I guess the boys had missed their Gymboree classes a lot. Because they both were really excited about being there today. They are very good climbers and always amaze everybody in the class. Relic was doing really well about tossing the balls in the hoop and made me very proud. And River was very good at walking on a cylinder slide.

They did get tired there and couldn't stay for more than half an hour of their playgym time. Coming home they really wanted to take a nap but I insisted them to have lunch first. When I put them in their bouncer seats and gave them their bottles, thought to let them go to sleep by themselves. I know, they are old enough to do that by now, but I guess that's another thing about me spoiling them. Anyway, they did go to sleep without me

Tonight we were watching some beautiful concerts on PBS which we all enjoyed, and here is a picture of the boys and me watching the concerts

The Boys in Pool, August 11, 2007

A Great Day in Maine , August 11, 2007

We had a beautiful day in Maine. We were invited to have dinner with Michael's brother and his family and Michael's parents who had just come from Florida.

The boys had a really great day playing with their cousins Meagan and Kienan and even Aunt Jeanne. They are all very kind people and love River and Relic a lot.

River and Relic went for a little swim in their uncle's pool and were chasing their little poor dog most of the time. They even got to feed the dog too.

I had a great time as well. I enjoyed the food and watching my sons laughing and running all over their uncle's beautiful house. Jeanne has always been very kind to me and I have been missing her hugs which I could get today. I do feel lucky to have such a wonderful and caring people as my relatives